Is this you?
For years, I lived a life that seemed to fit the Christian mold, but deep down, I was struggling. A preacher’s daughter, born-again and on my way to Heaven, something was missing in my life.
I grew up in a good Christian home, knowing all the Bible stories. I even attended a Christian high school and college.
Serving in ministry was nothing new to me. I’ve always loved serving the Lord. I was doing all the things- faithful church attendance, serving in every ministry I could, reading my Bible every now and again, and sometimes praying. You name it- I did it.
But, again, something was missing in my life.
I loved serving the Lord and the Christian life, but I didn’t love serving the Lord or the Christian life if that makes sense. I was doing so much that I got burned out quickly.
One thing led to another, and my life started spiraling out of control. I was going downhill fast.
I tried to keep it all together. So, I did what I thought was best at that time, and that was to keep everything in and not let anyone know I was hurting, that I was struggling, and that my marriage was falling apart.
Little did I know that I was learning the art of performance-based Christianity. It’s a struggle many of us face. We put on a spiritual performance, pretending to be more spiritual than we are, to know God more than we do, to have a spotless spiritual life. Every Sunday and Wednesday, I felt I had to wear a mask to maintain the spiritual facade. All I had to do was say the right things, be faithful to church, follow the rules, pour myself into service, wear the right clothes, etc. This way, I took on the appearance of knowing God and keeping it all together. From the outside, my life looked good. However, inside, I was a mess. Sinful and flawed in every way. However, as exhausting as it was, I kept trying to do everything to look spiritually perfect and please those around me.
Oh, if only they knew the REAL me. I shuddered to think what others would say if they saw what was lurking in my heart and what I was going through behind closed doors. My pride and the fear of man kept me from being authentic. It kept me in hiding. It kept me in bondage. But I didn’t know any other way.
Unfortunately, I went through a divorce. I had lost everything, and I felt that God had abandoned me and given up on me.
I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to.
Where were all the Christians who preached and taught love, mercy, compassion, and grace? They were being fake as well. During this time in my life, I learned that some Christians weren’t what they claimed to be. Not only was I fake, but I saw the fake in other Christians. We preach and teach love, mercy, compassion, and grace. But the truth is, we’re not as loving, merciful, and gracious as we claim to be. That’s what’s real. So, our Christianity becomes performance-based. We act like we care about others until something happens that doesn’t sit well with us. Then, who we really are comes out. But we can’t see ourselves because we’re so blind to our facade. So, instead of loving others back into the family of God, we reject them.
Fake.
I was done. Done with fake Christianity and being fake.
As I said before, something was missing—something I desperately needed. Every night, I prayed that God would show me what I needed.
It was a Sunday morning in 2010 that God answered my prayer and a yearning in my heart that I had for so many years. He showed me exactly what had been missing in my life. It all came down to having an intimate relationship with God- one word- RELATIONSHIP. I had never heard anything about having a relationship with God, ever. I thought, once you got saved, that’s it. You now have eternal life, and you will live with Jesus forever. And yes, that’s true. However, I didn’t realize there was more to the gospel than just going to Heaven and inheriting eternal life.
Accepting Jesus as my Savior was just the beginning of developing my relationship with God. I had accepted Christ as my Saviour, but I had not developed my relationship with my Heavenly Father. My soul was eternally safe in Christ, but my life was spiraling out of control because I was trying to do the Christian life on my own. And I am powerless when it comes to living life like God calls me to. I needed Jesus to live the Christian life through me.
That Sunday morning was a turning point. It was the day I decided to invest in my personal relationship with God. I was ready to experience what I had been missing for so long. God challenged me to give Him just 30 days. So, for 30 days, it was just me and God. And believe me, those 30 days changed my life.
Those 30 days transformed my life. I’ve never been happier or more excited about my Christian life journey. And those 30 days? They’ve turned into 15 years of building a relationship with my Heavenly Father. It’s not a perfect relationship but a perfecting one that’s constantly growing and deepening. The joy and excitement of this journey are contagious, inspiring others to embark on their own.
And I’m free. I no longer have to hide behind a mask. I no longer have to ‘put on’ the Christian life for myself and for others. And I no longer have to live by the standards of flawed human beings to be loved and accepted. Today, I live life according to how God tells me to live it. I finally faced the real truth that I am not a perfect Christian, and I never will be while I am on this earth. However, I can be a perfecting Christian, daily yielding my life to the Holy Spirit- perfecting holiness in my life. This freedom in authenticity is available to all of us.
Ladies, authentic Christianity isn’t about rules; it’s not about a spiritual performance, how much Scripture you know, the ministry you serve in, how much Bible you read, or that prayer you prayed. Authentic Christianity isn’t about how good you look to others, how nice and giving you are, or that testimony you gave in church last Sunday. It’s not about that solo you sang, that title you have, or your faithful church attendance. And it’s not about how many you saw saved this week or how many you saw baptized. It’s about developing your relationship with your Heavenly Father, that one thing that’s needful. That good part. (Luke 10:42a) Sitting at Jesus’ feet.
And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. And Jesus answered and said, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.- Luke 10:40-42
Women today, inside and outside the church and in Christian circles worldwide, are struggling to truly know God. This is why I’m so passionate about the Journey to Perfection Blog: Many of our problems and struggles as Christian ladies originate from not pursuing an authentic, personal relationship with God. It bothers me when other Christian ladies promote the idea that as women, we just don’t have time to be with God- because, you know, kids, work, and caring for the home, and so God understands- it saddens me.
That’s pride.
Anytime we think we can do life with just a little bit of God or none of God, that’s pride. When we have time to go shopping, eat a meal (several meals, including snacks), go to work and school, go to the gym, grab coffee with a friend, time to post every picture on our phone to all social media apps, not to mention making creative TikTok videos for millions’ viewing pleasure; then we have time to be with God. There’s no excuse. Honestly, I can’t be who I am as a wife, mom, and Christian woman if I don’t make the time to be in the presence of God. No wonder we’re getting sidetracked and falling apart. No wonder we’ve become A-list actors at being Christians.
If you feel that the Journey to Perfection Blog is the place for you, please step outside your comfort zone, subscribe to this blog, and join our 30-day Girl, Get Real challenge. No, you don’t need ME, a flawed human being, to teach you how to build a relationship with God. I’m still learning. You just need you and God. However, I would like to share with youexactly what I did to build my relationship with God and how it has transformed my life. And I’d like to be an encourager- to help cheer you on while you’re doing the challenge, hoping you’ll stay the course.
I’m excited to have you as a part of this journey that I am still on, and I can’t wait to hear your stories and see how God is changing your life.
Feel free to contact me anytime in the comment section on this site or by email at journeytoperfectionblog.com.
Love and Prayers,
Terrie
I’m not perfect; I’m perfecting.