I lived as a Christian, successfully faking it for years.
A Preacher’s daughter, saved and on my way to Heaven.
I grew up in a good Christian home. I knew all the Bible stories. I even attended a Christian high school and a Christian college.
Serving in ministry was nothing new to me. I’ve always loved serving the Lord. I was doing all the things- faithful church attendance, serving in every ministry I could, reading my Bible every now and again, and sometimes praying. You name it- I did it.
But there was something missing in my life.
I loved serving the Lord and the Christian life; but I didn’t love serving or the Christian life. If that makes sense. I was doing so much and getting burned out pretty quickly.
One thing led to another, and my life started spiraling out of control. I was going downhill fast.
I tried to keep it altogether. So, I did what I thought was best at that time, and that was to keep everything in and not let anyone know I was hurting, that I was struggling, and that my marriage was falling apart.
Little did I know that I was learning the art of performance-based Christianity. Basically, you put on a spiritual performance. You pretend to be spiritual, pretending to know God, pretending that your spiritual life is spotless, and pretending that you have it all together. Every Sunday and Wednesday, I felt I had to wear a mask to maintain the spiritual facade. All I had to do was say the right things, be faithful to church, follow the rules, pour myself into service, wear the right clothes, etc. This way, I took on the appearance of knowing God and keeping it all together. From the outside, my life looked good. However, inside, I was a mess. I was a mess of a Christian. Sinful and flawed in every way. However, as exhausting as it was, I kept at it- trying to do everything to look spiritually perfect and please those around me.
Oh, if only they knew the REAL me. I shuddered to think what others would say if they saw what was lurking in my heart and what I was going through behind closed doors. My pride kept me from being authentic. It kept me in hiding. It kept me in bondage. But I didn’t know any other way.
Unfortunately, I went through a divorce. I had lost everything, and I felt that God had abandoned me and given up on me.
I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to. Where were all the Christians who preached and taught love, mercy, compassion, and grace? It seemed like they were being fake as well. During this time in my life, I learned that some Christians weren’t what they claimed to be. Not only was I fake, but I saw the fake in other Christians. We preach and teach love, mercy, compassion, and grace. But the truth is, we’re not as loving, merciful, and gracious as we claim to be. That’s what’s real. So, our Christianity becomes performance-based. We act like we care about others until something happens that doesn’t sit well with us. Then, who we really are comes out. But we can’t see ourselves because we’re so blind to our own facade. So, instead of loving others back into the family of God, we reject them. What part about that comes from God?
Fake.
I was done. Done with fake Christianity and being fake.
There was something missing, something I desperately needed in my life.
It was a Sunday morning in 2010 that God answered my prayer and a yearning in my heart that I had for so many years. He showed me exactly what had been missing in my life. It all came down to one word- RELATIONSHIP- having an intimate relationship with God. I had never heard anything about having a relationship with God, ever. I thought, once you got saved, that’s it. You now have eternal life and you will live with Jesus forever. And yes, that’s true. However, what I didn’t realize was that there was more to the gospel than just going to Heaven and inheriting eternal life. Accepting Jesus as my Savior was just the beginning of developing my relationship with God. That’s something that I had not done. My soul was eternally safe in Christ, but my life was spiraling out of control, because I was trying to do the Christian life on my own. And I am powerless when it comes to living life, like God calls me to. I needed Jesus to live the Christian life through me.
Wow! God opened my eyes that Sunday morning! And that day changed my life forever. I decided right then, that I wanted to invest in developing my personal relationship with God. I wanted to experience what I had been missing for so many years. I have to give God the credit for this. He challenged me to give Him 30 days. Just 30 days. So, for 30 days, it would just be me and God. No matter what, I would make time to be with God daily (despite being a wife and a homeschooling mom of six) and work on building my relationship with Him.
You know what? I accepted the challenge. I gave God 30 days, and believe me when I say my life changed. When I say that my life changed, I mean it. I have never been happier and more excited about the Christian life. And guess what, 30 days has turned into 14 years of building my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Not a perfect relationship, because there is no such thing. But I am in a perfecting relationship with my Heavenly Father.
And I’m free. I no longer have to hide behind a mask. I no longer have to “put on” the Christian life for myself and for others. I no longer have to live by the standards of flawed human beings to be loved and accepted. Today, I live life according to how God tells me to live it. I finally faced the real truth that I am not a perfect Christian, and I never will be while I am on this earth. However, I can be a perfecting Christian, daily yielding my life to the Holy Spirit- perfecting holiness in my life.
Ladies, authentic Christianity isn’t about rules; it’s not about a spiritual performance, how much Scripture you know, the ministry you serve in, how much Bible you read, or the prayer that you prayed. Authentic Christianity isn’t about how good you look to others, how nice and giving you are, or that testimony you gave in church last Sunday. It’s not about that solo you sang or that title you have. It’s not about your faithful church attendance or the fact that you’re a cheerful giver. It’s not about how many you saw saved this week or how many you saw baptized. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about relationship- developing your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Authentic Christians do not have to work hard to perform or prove anything; they just rely on the Holy Spirit. Perfecting Christians are about that one thing that’s needful. That good part. (Luke 10:42a) Sitting at Jesus’ feet.
And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. And Jesus answered and said, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.- Luke 10:40-42
Women today, inside and outside the church and in Christian circles, all over the world are struggling to truly know God. This is why I’m so passionate about the Journey to Perfection Blog: Many of our problems and struggles as Christian ladies originate from not pursuing an authentic, personal relationship with God. It bothers me when other Christian ladies promote the idea that as women, we just don’t have time to be with God- because, you know, kids, work, and caring for the home, and so God understands- it saddens me. That’s pride. Anytime we think we can do life with just a little bit of God or none of God, that’s pride. When we have time to go shopping, eat a meal (several meals, including snacks), go to work and school, go to the gym, grab coffee with a friend, time to post every picture on our phone to all social media apps, not to mention making creative TikTok videos for millions’ viewing pleasure; then we have time to be with God. There’s no excuse. Honestly, I can’t be who I am as a wife, mom, and Christian woman if I don’t make the time to be in the presence of God. No wonder we’re getting sidetracked and falling apart. No wonder we’ve become A-list actors at being Christians.
If you feel that the Journey to Perfection Blog is the place for you, please step outside your comfort zone, subscribe to this blog, and join our 30-day Girl, Get Real challenge. No, you don’t need ME, a flawed human being, to teach you how to build a relationship with God. I’m still learning. You just need you and God. However, I want to share exactly what I did and how it has transformed my life. And I’d like to be an encourager- to help cheer you on while you’re doing the challenge in the hopes you’ll stay the course.
I’m excited to have you as a part of this journey that I am still on, and I can’t wait to hear your stories and see how God is changing your life.
Feel free to contact me anytime here in the comment section on this site or via my email.
Love and Prayers,
